glass_half_empty

One more try

Mon, 29 Oct 2007 00:03:36 GMT

Every time I say I am going to make my blog entries regular, i always fail to be consistent.

So update on my current situation, here I am back at good old University. Matriculating once again, which means that I managed to pass my First Year with flying colours. Well done me. Of course i cant take all of the credit for such a dazzling achievement. I would to take this opportunity to show my deep appreciate to Mr. Nescafe and Mr. PG Tips for fueling my blood with the caffeine I much needed during those nights I spent hunched over books and this laptop. I would also like to thank, Mr. YouTube and Miss Facebook for some productive procrastination during such hours of much needed studying.

This year is of course needed, I am still procrastinating but I appear to be much more in tune to the work that needs to done. i have adopted a slightly regimented timetable which begins with me rising at the crack of dawn, okay 7 am is not dawn but may i remind you that I am univesity student the normal rising time for me should be midday. I take a shower and begin my hours of studying. So far it has worked. I am up to date with most of my classes and gradually easing into the routine like hand to glove.

The party scene of my life has been a little on the retarded side of things. I go out but lets just say they aren't exactly wild. Now when I get drunk i cant help ending the night with my head in the toilet. This vile ritual further emphasizes a new reality for me: I AM NO LONGER A FRESHER. BUT A REDUCED PIECE OF SECOND YEAR MEAT. I feel old and I don't even want to foresee what it will be like when I hit the 3rd year mark of my matriculation here at Kent.

hmmm

Sun, 27 May 2007 11:00:46 GMT

I missed my Summer Ball because of my b/p-ing. I b/p-ed on the £1 pasta i bought and I got so bloated that I decided not to go and told everyone i was feeling ill and needed to revise instead, so hid in the library until 3am all the while I could hear the ball with everyone having fun.

I have basically been starving myself all week which explains my very drunken Wednesday night where I kissed my friends cousin and he still doesn't know. Then I bumped my head so hard I had to be carried to the medical room because I kept passing out...to top that I lost my keys so i couldn't get into my room and i ended up having a massive screaming session at anyone who would come near me. In the end I ended up sleeping on my friends floor while everyone looked for my keys but they couldn't get back into the club to find them. The next day I wasn't feeling any better and ended up having an argument with my best friend and I apparently ignored most of my friends the night before and received some confused and pissed off text messages from them.

Another night we went out, Friday, I got really pissed off with a friend because she was flirting with this other guy and every other guys she could lay her eyes on. She is the girl with the long distance relationship that managed to work out because the boyfriend religiously visited her every weekend, yet when he isn't around she flirts with other guys. She has been irritating me recently she is the kind of girl who makes you feel inadequate as if she is better than you. The boyfriend is the nicest person in the world and was already concerned about their relationship. So i left my group to join other friends before I said something nasty to her and got really trashed i ended up in some guys room smoking.

Sorry for the rant...but after this week I feel like I have no one to turn to.

new year (new month) new me

Thu, 01 Feb 2007 12:05:41 GMT

All the way through January I was contemaplating whether to make any changes in my lifestyle. I kept tellng myself I don't need to change but seeing myself in the mirror this morning i desperately need to make the changes happen, not for other people but for myself. I want to feel more happy and less depressed. i don't even know why i feel that way.So I have delayed my new resolution a month late to allow my oh-so stubborn mind to accept that changes must be made.

1) First change I need to make is to work harder, it is almost the end of the year exams are looming and essays are waving at me across the horizon. I need to buck up my attitude if I ever want to achieve a First when I graduate. I need to look into taking on another subject so I will be doing a JOint Honours degree as opposed to my current Single Honours. I think alot...I am an over thinker....and I realised I haven't written any poems or stories for over a year and I even quite the Creative Writing group because I felt to afraid and intimidated by them. I need to be more confident about myself and my work.

2) No guys!! i am sick of them and at the moment I am better off without them because i need to find me and sort me out before I can completely commit myself. My firend once told me that I was an ice queen, aloof and laid back when it came to guys, that I didn't produce much reacton if a guy professed his feelings for me and when guys try to make I reject it straight away. Perhaps that was my mind telling me that i should stay away from guys for now...or that I am scared..okay save the psychoanalysis for well meaning friends.

3)Diet...i seem to gaining more than losing lately and my friend has already lost half a stone, 7lbs and she's on her way to losing more. I envy her will power I need to concentrate.

4) Just basic overhauling of my lifestyle:
no more smoking
less alcohol
no more late nights
no more late mornings of getting up at the crack of noon.
no more procastinating when work should really be done
get out more and stop being scared of meeting new people and food
do more exercises...the ones i do a clearly not enough

Okay so i will be updating more because i have been slacking on the Journal front so far...my last post was last year...appalling.

i need to come here list the food i have eaten, work i have done an any personal achievements. wish me luck.

Tue, 24 Oct 2006 11:36:22 GMT

Hey everyone! So it's shopping day but I am really gonna stick to list coz i do no want to b/p at all this week...more 'roomates can hear crap' especially Becky, seriously no matter how much Sabir or Rory have their music up they can still here me being sick.

My basic list is: coffee, green tea, cereal, soy milk, a BIG pack of diet coke and some orange squash.

I know i will be tempted so I am gonna put a hair band on my wrist to stop me...i'll keep snapping it as i shop.

Mon, 23 Oct 2006 11:28:50 GMT

These kinda sum up everything i feel at the moment....

Gotta love this girl and her youtube channel!!

Sat, 21 Oct 2006 21:45:45 GMT

I am suppose to be doing some reading for Classical Mythology but i have digressed to LiveJournal. Right now i am listening to a mixture of my radio and becky and her b/f giggling and laughing. Oh joy!

It is saturday night and I am in my room studying...it's always been like this seeing as Friday nights are usually our 'party' night.

I got a call from my parents today, they haven't called for two weeks which is pretty strange seeing as it used to be a daily habit for them. maybe they are getting used to me not being just upstairs in my room playing my music loud or downstairs hogging living room space. I think my parents still think I have loads of money from my summer job, but the truth I don't have that much left because somehow i have spent it all...do not ask how...I find it unexplainable too. When the 1st of November comes I will be dirt poor..once again. I am starting to wish I applied for student loan, my parents didn't want me to do it because they wanted to pay for it and they didn't want me getting into any debt. But they are struggling, I know that they just don't want me to have any money problems after university but if it's what I need then I should perhaps get it.

the guy I like who lives on the first floor didn't turn up at Mungo's last night, despite Gemma's efforts to cheer me up by convincing me he will come...he never did. Although i did see him today at breakfast and randomly outside Eliot. He probably doesn't even remember me from when we spoke a few weeks ago. I am very easy to forget. I even forget about myself sometimes.

I also like this guy we hang around with but i don't think he feels the same because i know he likes another girl seeing as he told me one drunken night when everyone left us to go thieving in other peoples' kitchens. But i'm sure I was flirting a bit...or I was just probably drunk. I don't....I'm not sure what flirting is anymore. I don't I feel like we have alot of things in common, first of all he is very aloof and at times moody..which i am too. But he is really nice when you get talking to him. No this is bad...I told myself i am only going to concentrate on my work. I am very stupid for getting caught up in feelings i shouldn't be feeling because they are very distracting and delusional...like anyone will ever be attracted to me.

I need to really carry on reading about Heracles and his wonderful 'ambigious' life.

awake

Thu, 19 Oct 2006 09:01:21 GMT

I just woke up...another day here and the weather outside is not helping. Typical british weather and by some odd miracle the sun has just come out. The plan for today is to go into town and do more job hunting with Becky...I doubt I will actually find anything seeing most of population in this city are students and that the only work experience I have is in Max Mara.I am also quitting my Avon rep. job to focus more on my studies and I didn't go out last night just to further disappoint Gemma who I have been cancelling on almost every wednesday. Lok I can't afford the club entrance, drinks and taxi there back. I doubt she will understand and is probably extremely pissed off today. I have a lecture at 2PM...remember that Andrea not 3PM...2PM! Silly rabbit!

The only thing I ate yesterday was a slice of quiche and a bowl of chocolate pudding for dinner, i know i gave in o the temptation...so after dinner i went to the library and then afterwards i did some major exercising to burn it off. Guilty workout session..indeed.

Today my goal is only to eat salad for dinner...or just nothing at all. We are going out tomorrow night and this guy is going to be there because all his flatmates are going home so he has planned to spend the wkend with us. I guess that should be good but I know for a fact that he has a thing for one of his roomates...which is just crap!! I also think he is into Becky...but she has a b/f. Seriously what is wrong with me...I just automatically repulse guys. It's not that I am basing my whole university experience of guys because I have already learnt not to do that in secondary school..but just one male attention wouldn't hurt. Here I am blabbing on about such a petty issue as a boyfriend..I am just so stupid.

back to being old me again

Wed, 18 Oct 2006 10:05:47 GMT

i told myself that in Uni i will be different i won't be skipping classes, but here i am skipping my seminar for Fiction, Truth and Politics. I guess it's because i hate the damn seminar group and i haven't read the assigned text, I am soo stupid, why do i do this. My mother was right I am just a big fat disapointment. Plus food-wise that's already going wrong....ever since my so called illness of 'fresher's flu' i haven't managed to b/p at all. i am going nutz...university isn't working out as i planned it to be.

poor student stereotyping....kicking in.

Fri, 29 Sep 2006 14:03:18 GMT

I am basically living on five pounds this weekend. At least most of my housemates are going home therefore there won't be much need for me going out, thank god!
Seeing as the second installment for my tuition fee is due in monday and my parents hasn't put the money in my bank, i might have to use up some of my savings which i was reserving for my books, my list is piling up so much! I did go to the library todayand borrowed five which i have given as a task for me to read for the weeknd. i guess the two week fresher novelty has worn off and now i need to knuckle down and work. i have already had to read one text for seminar discussion and another text has already been assigned for homework. fast paced or what! But i guess i chose to do the damn subject so i can't exactly complain.

One of the best things about having no money is that i have a good excuse for not eating this weekend, I am already running out of excuses. I resorted to salads, which is just as bad.